Feeding our body, mind, soul= secret to success

This is a great post written by one of my friends. He will be contributing to the blog and adding more posts in the future so please stay tuned.

Written by my friend Houman Abouei:

Feeding ourselves is a human characteristic that is vital to our existence. With advancements in technology and vast knowledge in human anatomy and nutrition, our generation is lucky to have great amount of resources regarding healthy eating habits.  Information and tips about healthy eating habits are all around us: There are thousands of books written on such topics and it is often discussed on television, radio, and on the internet. Healthy food choices and alternatives are also available more than ever before. However, I would like to write about the importance of two other types of feeding that is not as vastly discussed yet is very important to our growth and success.  Feeding our Minds and Feeding our Souls.

1. I. Feeding our Minds

Our minds are very powerful parts of our bodies that when trained properly it has the potential of providing us with enormous power. It is through constant and habitual learning that we gain access to this source of power.

Education has become such a norm for a career that we sometimes forget the true reason for why we spend a large amount of our lives in school. It is the constant learning and training of our minds that with time gives us access to our source of power: to think clearly, make logical decisions, and live happier lives.

Similar to us needing to be cautious regarding what we feed our bodies, we need to also be cautious of what we feed our minds.  We need to ask ourselves important questions such as:  what books have we read in the past month? What movies and shows have we watched? What magazines have we read? What websites have we visited? It is important that our goals (whether they are short term or long term) are in line with these questions.

When I talk to my fellow business major classmates at the University of San Francisco I often ask them what they want to do in life. The responses I often receive are “I want to become rich” and “I want to start my own business.” What I do find as a surprise is that a majority of the students do not feed their minds towards that goal (besides getting their degrees). They do not read books on topics that will help them become wealthy (topics such as investment, financial management, stock market, biographies of millionaires, etc). They do not read magazines such as Forbes, The Economist, Edge and do not watch programs such as CNBC and CNN Money. They do not read the Business pages on the newspapers nor do they read business related newspapers such as the Wall Street Journal.  Instead of this I see many of my classmates reading only the sport section of the newspaper, watching reality shows and sport matches. Of course there is nothing wrong with these but it is also important to know the amount spent on these activities as it is a source of entertainment and does not apply towards one’s goals. Realizing this is key to being on a path to success.

1. II. Feeding  our Souls

The importance of feeding our souls has been stressed throughout history by intellectuals, religious leaders and institutions. By feeding our souls in a healthy way we become more focused, energized, happier and ready for the challenges and decisions we have to make on a daily basis.

People have different ways of feeding their souls. Some people meditate, others prey, keep a journal, workout, spend time in nature, and many other ways. What is very fascinating is that most, if not all of the successful people in history took time away from their often hectic schedule to participate in a activity that held this purpose.

So let’s reflect and ask ourselves everyday if we are doing all we can to feed our body, mind, and soul in a healthy way.

Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person. –Albert Einstein

Learn how you can improve your dating life from this dating expert

This evening I got a chance to meet with a dating expert in downtown San Francisco. As I started to get more interested in personal development and self improvement I started studying attraction. I believe that there is a lot of dating advice that does not provide men with quality information about how to attract women authentically. Arkady is a lawyer and he also coaches men and women on improving their relationships and dating lives.

Nabil: First off can you start off by telling me more about yourself and what you do?

Arkady: Hi Nabil thanks for taking the time to interview me. I am an attorney specializing in civil education and I practice here in San Francisco. I have a major interest in personal growth and dating & relationships. I launched a website called www.practicalhappiness.com with very helpful dating advice for men and women.

Nabil: How do you define confidence? What advice would you give men that struggle with gaining confidence? How can they build their confidence with women if they have little experience or are at the beginning stages of dating?

Arkady: This is a great question Nabil. You know there are a lot of men out there that don’t know the true meaning of confidence. First off I want to say that you can not fake confidence when interacting with women because they can easily tell whether a man is being himself or trying to impress them. To build confidence you have to learn how to work on yourself, such as pick up new hobbies and interests that boost your self esteem. When a man loves himself he will naturally feel confident. Women will be able to see that and will be attracted to him.

Nabil: Great point Arkady. So what do you think about pick up lines?

Arkady: I think that pick up lines don’t work. You cannot go out there with a script to pick up women. I believe once again that when you are confident in yourself and know who you are as a person you will not ever in your life use a pick up line.

Nabil: What misinterpretations do you think men have about women and how do you suggest that they change the way they think about women?

Arkady: There are a few points I wanted to mention:

• Some men think acting too challenging with women will make them chase after them. However this is too over rated. It is always good to be a challenge but if you start playing too many of these “being a challenge” games you will notice that you are just playing games.

• Something else I really wanted to mention is that some men think that there are specific body gestures or body language they should follow to attract women. Making sure your body language shows confidence is important, but I want men to know something very important, “Don’t be overly concerned about thinking about how to adjust small body postures”. Think of the big picture. Ask yourself, “Overall does my body portray confidence, and most importantly do I feel good inside myself.”

• It also takes women a longer time to build attraction. Men get turned on right away when they see a woman or interact with a woman. However women need to feel that sense of connection and also need time to trust a man. Some men think that women are wired like men but they are not.

Nabil: Why do you think that most men get in the so called “Friend’s Zone” and have a hard time getting intimate or progressing in a relationship with a woman?

Arkady: Many men are afraid to joke around with women because they are scared that a small teasing joke will offend women. However, joking and teasing women shows that you have a sense of humor and have a lot of confidence. Many men get in the habit of just asking interview questions to women.

For those of you who think that the way you dress and your sense of style doesn’t matter to a woman, you are wrong. I’m not saying go out there and buy expensive designer clothes and shoes for a date, but dress well enough and have unique style. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to get a descent pair of jeans and shirt.

Nabil: How do you define attraction and what should men do to build more attraction?

Arkady: Having good physical features can be seen as attractive. But most importantly a woman finds a man attractive based on his personality and lifestyle. Physical features do matter to women but for a woman a man’s level of self confidence is more important then his looks.

Nabil: What is your opinion on what it takes to be “A real man”. As you know many men think being a real man to attract women is all about having big biceps or acting arrogant all the time.

Arkady: Excellent question Nabil. You know there are so many men that try too hard to be a man and they don’t even know what it takes to be a real man. Being a real man is not about having huge biceps or drinking a lot of protein shakes. A real man also doesn’t need fancy jewelry, cars, or designer clothes to attract women. There are so many men out there that like bragging about themselves and showing off also.

A real man is a man that can deal with discomfort in life and also deal with challenges. Real men know how to control their emotions and not be jealous and insecure. Trying to impress women by chugging beers won’t make you a man. Real men are also leaders and not followers.

Nabil: What advice would you give men on how to attract the right women in their life? Do you agree that you attract the right woman  in your life if you love yourself first?

Arkady: There are so many men that say that they are attracting the wrong women in their lives but these men go to the wrong places where they feel out of place. If you are into reading books, I suggest you go to a bookstore and meet women. Meeting women at clubs can get difficult because women get approached by drunk men most of the time so there is plenty of rejection. But if you like the bar environment, you may feel that you like meeting women at bars. My point is that don’t hang out in places you don’t like otherwise you will have a hard time meeting quality women.

Nabil: What are the main reasons women don’t return a man’s  phone calls after the first date?

Arkady: The following are a few reasons I can think of:

• Men either show that they are boring or don’t have a sense of humor
• They are too aggressive and try to move forward too fast
• Women may not return phone calls because they may be talking to another man and are not sure what they want.

I want men to know that they should not text message a woman to ask her out. She will appreciate it more if you call her and speak to her.

Nabil: Wow Arkady you gave some very helpful tips during our conversation. I am sure this will help men that need to improve their dating lives a lot. Thanks a lot for spending the hour with me and I look forward to meeting with you again in the future.

VISIT www.practicalhappiness.com if you are interested in improving your dating life. Arkady has excellent videos, blogs, and products that help both men and women improve their dating lives.

Are you chasing the DREAM or the MONEY?

We all have something we want out of life. Most of use work really hard everyday and think about what we want out of life. Many of us just want to be successful by having financial security and have the freedom of having financial independence. Let me ask you one question, are you chasing the money or the dream? When I was coming out of high school I said to myself that “I want to do something that just pays a lot of money”. Yes, I do want to make a lot of money sometime and definitely want the freedom from it as well. I’m sure I am not the only person that wants this. This is why we study hard, educate our selves on certain topics, learn as much as possible from other people, and seek work experience so we can make that dream come true. But hold on though. Do you want to make a lot of money by settling for whatever you get that pays the most? Are you going to be fulfilled within? Are you chasing the dream or the money?

I think that chasing the dream is all about being fulfilled. Without fulfillment passion doesn’t exist. Many of us are afraid to chase the dream because we think that we won’t make it someday, so we settle for something that will put us in the safe zone.

ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS

Are your thoughts too attached with thinking about money?

When your thoughts are attached too much about thinking about how you want to accumulate a lot of money, you will try to find every way to make money without really finding the time to think about what you love to do. We are impatient human beings. Many of us are not willing to go the extra mile or wait the additional four, five, or maybe ten years for getting what we really want out of life. I do agree that money is actually really important. We need it to eat, breath, live, have fun, and support our loved ones. However when you are at a stage where you are just attaching your thoughts purely on money you might end up making poor decisions.

In 1999 the stock market crashed. Why? Many people wanted to take advantage of the dot com boom and profit from high tech stocks. They saw opportunity so they went for it. Most of these people were speculators trying to make a huge profit. Did most people know what they were getting into?  NO. They just wanted to make a lot of money because the media, and their peers told them to. There were the very small percentage of people that got in the boom and knew exactly what they were doing and what companies to invest in, however, these small percentage of people had done their research and were experienced investors. Suddenly, after a while the market crashed and a lot people ended up losing a huge amount of money.

The reason I gave this example is that many people that got in the boom and lost money in the end did it because they wanted to make quick money since everyone else was doing it. When you are fully attaching your thoughts with money your emotions are going to lead you to make inept decisions and you will follow just the dollar signs in your head. When this happens you lose sight of your passion because you tell yourself, “Hey I have a chance to make quick money why not take the opportunity with something I have no idea about”.

Yes, once again, money is an important necessity in life. You need it to live. But don’t get in a habit of attaching your thoughts too much to it. Once again, don’t attach your thoughts to it, otherwise you won’t find your true passion.

Do you have any inner resistance?

Inner resistance occurs when we have a million thoughts conflicting with each other in our head. This causes us to lose focus or stop us from getting what we really want. For example you may want a career in journalism and you really like writing but the major resistance is the “fear inside of you”. You get intimidated so you don’t apply and you end up settling for some job you don’t really enjoy which you got easily.

Another example is when you are really great at filming and making movies. However the journey will take a while because you have to go to a lot of auditions and you may have to start of with a job that doesn’t pay well initially. However after a while you see a high paying job posting that pays a lot for doing something that you have no experience with. So you go ahead and take this job because of the pay. Suddenly you stop working on your film career journey and get stuck doing this. What just happen? You attached your thoughts the money too much.

I believe that when you are conscious of your emotions, free of any inner resistance, and don’t attach you thoughts too much with money, you will be able to find your true passion no matter how long it takes. Many people aren’t conscious of their emotions but when you learn how to be conscious of your emotions you tend to develop an internal drive that will lead you to what you really want to do in life. So you guys answer the question for yourself. Are you chasing the dream and passion or the money? I think that money is important and I definitely want to accumulate a lot of wealth. However I am going to make sure that I am fulfilled at the same time. For me, money without fulfillment won’t make me happy. Fulfillment is not tangible and comes from within and exists when you do something you love.

3 things that can AFFECT how well you manage your time

Time management is a key thing to master in your everyday life. As you advance in school and your career you will notice that you barely have any time and you will have to juggle a million different things. If you are a student you may have to handle a part time job, social life, school, and extra curricular all together. Maybe you are a working professional and you might have to deal with work, spouse, kids, and keeping your mind and spirit healthy. I have seen some people that are great with time management and I have also seen people that aren’t too great at it. I myself never used to manage my time well until after my freshmen year in college. Mastering time management won’t happen right away but it will take months and maybe years for you to get better at it, especially if you aren’t very good at it. To improve your time management skills you really have to sit down and understand yourself better. Think about how your body and mind function throughout the day. Most people don’t do this because their mind is always racing on a typical day. The reason I am asking you to sit and think about this is because your poor time management skills are related to the way you think. There is more to this. Let me explain this in detail.

Here are three issues that may be causing you to procrastinate and not use your time sufficiently:

Not Carefully planning your day

When you don’t make a habit of planning your day you will make a habit of sitting idle and wasting time because you won’t have anything scheduled to do. It’s important to write a “to do” list before you go to sleep or some type of set calendar for the next day therefore when you are done with a task you know that you have other things to do on the list. When you are just going through your day without a check list you won’t be able to push yourself to get things done. This will cause more stress and anxiety in as your deadline for a specific task approaches.

Being too obsessed with the past or the future

You can be really great at planning your schedule out and having a “to do” list however let me talk about one psychological barrier that many people have a hard time getting by. Many people are too obsessed worrying about the past, thinking about events that occurred yesterday or a month ago or they get in the daydreaming mode of thinking about the future too much. This plays a key role when you are trying to be productive. Many times during a task my mind would tend to drift away to other thoughts. I know that each person has a certain level of focus. Some are great at focusing 100% on a task and some just aren’t that great. For those of you who aren’t able to focus 100%, most likely you are thinking of something that has occurred in the past or a future event that is going to occur. The best way to make a habit of staying present with your task is to think of all your thoughts that aren’t present as illusions because you cannot do anything to control them. You can only control the present and the current task.

Losing Motivation

Have you ever felt sometimes that there are days where you wake up not really motivated to perform at work or school. But then there are those days where you work so efficiently that you feel like you are in the zone. This has a lot to do with your level of self esteem and self confidence. Sometimes you may have one of those lazy boring days where you feel like you are worthless and your level of self confidence has dropped. The reason this happens is because you lose internal drive towards a goal. This happens when you don’t have a specific goal in mind either for the day or for the week. Sometimes you may see yourself losing motivation because something negative occurred during the day that put you down. When you lose motivation and drive, your productivity suffers because your level of self esteem drops. You go on during the day with no plan or you don’t feel like doing anything.

To overcome this isn’t that easy because we are all human. There are days when we feel down and in a negative mood and there are days where we feel great. All this plays a major role in our outer lives. To constantly stay motivated means that you have to learn how to stay emotionally fit. This means that you have to discipline yourself to not let any negative obstacle drag you down because this will affect you productivity.

Level of self confidence-> level of motivation-> productivity/time management

Are your HONEST with yourself

Let me ask you one question? Have you ever been in a situation where you have done something just to make someone else HAPPY. You think that you are making yourself happy but the truth is that you are trying to really make someone else happy. Well I have done that many times because I wanted to impress people or I thought that if I make someone else happy it will automatically make me happy. I understand that all of us want our close friends and family to be proud of us so we work hard in school or in our careers to meet their expectations. There is nothing wrong with that but I think that if you are trying to fulfill other people’s dreams without keeping yourself fulfilled, you will never be happy.

You have to be clear and honest with yourself about what you want out of life. If you are honest with yourself you will feel less stressed, more optimistic, and will develop an internal drive from the confidence you portray. You feel like you won’t need to achieve something for someone else. The reason many people want to live their dreams for someone else is that they fear rejection from piers, family members, and others. They think and say that “oh if I choose this job or career path, that person will think I am out of my mind”, or “ I really want to start this business but those people will think that I wont make any money, so why don’t I follow what they say”. DON’T think this way. If you follow other people’s expectations but can not be true to yourself you will have a hard time feeling great about yourself.

I hope this post helps you think from a different perspective.

Have a great evening

I will be posting a new video soon so stay tuned.

ARE YOU BEING “YOURSELF” OR ARE YOU TRYING TO “IMPRESS PEOPLE?”

I just really wanted to write about how important is to be yourself and be AUTHENTIC. I see many people who can’t really be themselves or they try really hard to impress other people around them to gain VALIDATION. I think that if a person can’t be themselves they are INSECURE.  To be authentic means that everything about you is original. You state your OPINION about something because it’s your opinion not because you want validation. Being authentic also means that you have the ability to make yourself HAPPY by doing what you LOVE and not doing something just to make someone else happy. It also means that you are totally confident about yourself and your future GOALS. Now these are just a few things that I listed that makes a person authentic but I can go on and on.

Do you know why I think it is important to be original? I will tell you why exactly. If you are confident and NATURAL, you will attract the right kind of people in your life. People will be more drawn to you and more interested in you because of you originality. There aren’t many people out there who can fully be themselves. If you think that you are one of them, ask yourself what everyday activities make you happy. Are you happy with who you are as a person? Do you feel confident about yourself? When you feel naturally good in your own skin and feel happy about yourself are your originality will show naturally because you don’t have to be someone you are not or try to show off and impress people. Your originality will be seen by your peers in school, your co workers in your workplace. You will also see yourself being more happy because you are free of all the WORRIES and STRESS about what people will think about you. You will say to yourself, “THIS IS ME, ACCEPT IT OR NOT”

Take Care guys. It’s time for me to go to bed and wake up early. I hope this helps.

Nabil Gulamani

Stop thinking that Life is PERFECT and PLANNED

When I was growing up as a child I always thought that that life is PLANNED and PERFECT. I would think that “oh one day I will grow up, get a car, house, and live happily ever after.” Now I know that’s what a typical kid thinks about. However if you are at a stage where you are passed your late teen years or passed the age of 20’s some of us still are still stuck in the SAME MENTALITY thinking that life will go as it is planned. I’m not saying don’t plan out life. What I am saying is that some of us get DISAPPOINTED when we are faced with a challenge that goes against our BELIEF about what we expect out of life. Sometimes when a CURVE BALL is thrown at them they can’t handle it because the curve ball that is thrown at them is random, UNEXPECTED, and not planned.

I always used to think the same way as well. I would be stuck thinking that I will have the PERFECT job, meet the perfect person, have a perfect everything. But soon as I matured and things got tougher I started to get disappointed because things weren’t perfect. What I learned is that there is nothing that’s PERFECT. Life is just really random. We all have goals we want to achieve or a specific plan and map to help us guide us but NOTHING is going to be perfect. We have to learn how to deal with everything that life throws at us. It maybe GOOD or BAD. But what matters the most is how we deal with what is thrown at us.

If you have a certain goal that you want to reach and you come across difficulties and you feel that your expectations haven’t been met, what are you going to do? Will you ADJUST and deal with the difficulties or will you stop chasing your goal?

What if you suddenly have unexpected health problems and you are shocked because you didn’t expect it was coming? Will you accept it and fight it and ACCEPT reality? Or will you just sit there DEVASTATED and think why it had to be you that had to deal with it?

These are some questions to consider. I am sure life has thrown MANY other things your way. I just wanted to conclude by saying that if you expect everything to be perfect you will have a HARD TIME dealing with REALITY when things turn out not to be one hundred percent what you expected.

Thanks.

I hope this helps. Email me if you have any questions and please subscribe to my email updates.

Nabil Gulamani

Examples of EMPATHY

Let me start off by explaining what exactly EMPATHY is. To put it in simple terms, If you have a high level of empathy that means that you have the ability to UNDERSTAND another person’s EMOTION really well. Why is this important.

Let me give you a couple of EXAMPLES:

Example 1- Bob is a working at company “X” and he has recently been performing POORLY at his job. He has lost motivation and his sales have DROPPED a lot. He comes to work and his boss walks by him and sees that his mind is somewhere else. Bob walks around the office looking at the ground constantly with a LOSS of SELF CONFIDENCE. The boss doesn’t like this so he calls Bob to his office and says, “Bob your sales have DECREASED and you are starting to perform poorly. Please clean your desk and leave by the end of this week.” Bob gets so devastated and SHOCKED and he can’t do anything about this. He drives home really ANGRY at his boss.

Example 2-This is a different boss now. This boss calls Bob in his office. he explains to Bob that he has noticed that his behavior has CHANGED lately. he specifically mentions that he has noticed his self confidence has taken a DIVE and that he looks like he has lost his PASSION in his job. Bob looks at his boss silently and then explains to him that there are a lot of things that have been going on in his life lately and that his mind i going CRAZY. he further states that he has been having some issues with his family and his mind has been occupied with that a lot. Bob’s boss looks at him and asks him if he needs a week or two to get his ISSUES cleared. Bob gets surprised and THANKS his boss and tells his boss that he was afraid to ask initially for some time off because he didn’t know how he would REACT. His boss says, ” I am giving you time off because I know that once you have this issue cleared you will come back to the office and perform at your PEAK LEVEL.” Now the Boss in this example has Empathy and understands people’s EMOTIONS really well.

In the second example, the boss understands what might be effecting Bob’s poor performance in the office so he asks Bob and Bob tells him and at the same time bob feels relief since his boss understands him. Now some of you might read this and say “WOW but he is easy on Bob”. No he is not. He is simply TRUSTING Bob knowing that he will come back from his time off and will still be able to be one of the top employees at the company. If he was an EASY Boss then he would let Bob keep on SLACKING without taking action.

The boss in example 1 might think that Bob is slacking off but when he told Bob to QUIT he wasn’t really trying to understand why might Bob, who is a Top employee at the firm, SUDDENLY performing this way.

I Think that Empathy is a key trait to have as a leader.

Take Care

Nabil Gulamani

What are you using your CREDIT CARD for. INVESTING or UNNECESSARY SPENDING?

Today I felt like writing a post on PERSONAL FINANCE since I think it is important for everyone to know how to handle their own MONEY.

So what are you PURCHASING with your credit card and why are you USING your credit card? All of you I am sure have different reasons of why you spend with your credit card. I believe that there are TWO kinds of people. People that use their credit card for buying UNNECESSARY GOODS that give them pleasure for the short term and those that spend their credit card for spending for the purpose of INVESTING in themselves. Let me give you some examples:

Unnecessary spending with Credit Card

* Clothes
* Consumer Electronics used to satisfy your hobby
* Dining out
* Spa/Grooming
* Concerts

Smart Spending using Credit Card

* Purchasing textbooks or any educational material
* Seminars or Classes
* Emergency hospital bills
* Servicing your vehicle for safety purposes
* Purchasing supplies for your business

Do you see the DIFFERENCE here. I’m not saying that purchasing consumer goods is wrong. I really like clothes and electronics. but you should not use your credit card on them because you are going to be paying HIGH INTEREST on items that you could wait to use your cash on when your checking account has the SUFFICIENT amount of cash.

I think that you should use your credit card on INVESTING ON YOURSELF or for EMERGENCY PURPOSES. If you are really short on cash and have to use your credit card for something you might as well spend it on education, your business, covering a portion of some school supplies/fees. These things can help you pay off your credit card debt and interest in the FUTURE.

We all have different spending habits with our credit cards. You are full responsible for your spending. Next time you are about to use that plastic thing that has DEBT written on it think about what you are going to GET IN RETURN.

Thanks guys. I hope this helps. Email me or comment if you have any opinions or questions.

Nabil Gulamani

A great way to PLAN YOUR GOALS